Mattress Thumping
by docs pupil
Summary: Sounds can be the most deceiving of all. (In this story, I refer to a Human female Rogue as the Inquisitor.)


"You must ready yourself for this, Cole. Are you ready?" The Inquisitor looks him square in the eye, her hand on the door to her sleeping quarters.

"Yes," he says without hesitation.

"Are you sure?" She narrows her eyes.

"Yes," the young man answers just as surely as he did before, nodding his head resolutely.

The young lady smirks at his excitement. "Let's do it."

Josephine and Dorian watch from around the corner as The Inquisitor and Cole disappear into her bedroom, the door bolted shut behind them.

"It looks like they've made friends quiet nicely," the mage jests, arching both his eyebrows.

"Quiet you," the Diplomat snaps at him. "An innocent love like theirs will not be tarnish by your dirty jokes."

"All I meant was that he has someone who doesn't hate him for being dead. Or creepy," He adds as a snarky aside.

"You are infuriating, mage." Josephine turns her delicate nose up at him, walking away.

Dorian simply shrugs off her comment, crossing to the door. He quickly looks left and right for anybody nearby, then presses his ear to the thick wood.

"Take off your coat, and your slippers."

"Are you sure it's fun?"

A very feminine titter and the rustle of fabric can be overheard in the stillness of the keep. "This is going to be a lot of fun, trust me."

"I heard you can hurt yourself doing it," the weary sounding voice of Cole says. "Is that true?"

"You can hurt yourself doing a lot of things, I wouldn't believe everything everyone says."

So intent is Dorian on listening to the both of them chatter away, he doesn't notice Varric approach him until he clears his throat loudly. "It must be interesting, whatever's happening behind that door."

"Shhh..." He puts a finger to his lips. "Listen."

He too presses his ear to the door and hears the both of them referencing vaguely to something covert they're attempting. Varric's sheer disbelief of their talk causes his mind to race around a thousand different possibilities, all of which end in a dirty conclusion. "The Inquisitor," he whispers incredulously. "And the Kid?"

"Strange, isn't it," the Tevinter mage rhetorically asks. "Who'd think she'd go for the undead, clammy type."

"Definitely not me, and I have a pretty wild imagination."

Finding the sight of a Dwarf and Human lending an ear to the same door, Solas goes over to investigate. "Have either of you seen Cole, I can't find him anywhere."

"He's in here." Dorian taps the door with his finger.

"Doing what?"

"The Inquisitor," Varric snidely remarks, grinning.

Solas furrows his brow for a moment, then frowns. "Can't you two be serious for even a minute?"

"We are," the Dwarven archer zealously insists as he raises his eyebrows at the heavy breathing inside. "I've gotta to say, that boy has stamina."

The elf cups an ear to the door, hearing the creak of a bed frame and the hard breathing. "Oh no! She doesn't know, does she?!" He pushes the human out of the way and yanks at the door handle. "Varric!" He grabs his wrist, pulling him over to the brass handle. "Pick that lock!"

"Oh, let them have their fun, Chuckles, it's perfectly natural."

His face becomes strained from their ignorance and his utter concern for Cole. "Neither of you understand, do you?! He has the mentality of a child! If they _are_ having relations, he wouldn't understand what's going on to his body!"

"Oh Maker..." Dorian feels his stomach turn slightly. "Poor boy..."

Without another word, Varric picks the lock, kicking the door in for dramatic effect.

"Cole!" Solas rushes into the Inquisitor's room. "Stop-uh..."

"Hi," The young spirit huffs, waving at his friend. "We're having fun."

"Is something wrong," the Inquisitor wonders, still jumping up and down on her new feather mattress. "Or does someone need me?"

"Great Ancestor's you two! You scared us!" The Dwarf grabs at his heart, turning to leave.

Solas lets out a breath of relief, leaving behind Varric.

The boy stops jumping, watching as Dorian shakes his head and walks off. "Why was everyone scared," he asks the Inquisitor. "Did something happen?"

With the fun of the moment ruined by the sudden intrusion, the young woman hops off her bed, catching her breath. "I don't know, Cole. People are strange sometimes."


End file.
